you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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