did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize