I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
