apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
