Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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