Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
how can u be prego again
just come out here and I will go home with you...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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