If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
