people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
