I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
