she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
