The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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