Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
