He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
