I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
