dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
