sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I am one with the molecules
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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