just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
