She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
