We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
