ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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