i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
