Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
