everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
