i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
