i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
