I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Drake has all the answers
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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