nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
