How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
