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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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