Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
