She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
