did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
