I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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