man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
