god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
