So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize