Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
