Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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