Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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