apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
