Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
