Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
