woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
