there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
