bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
