Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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