Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
