my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Houston, we have a blender
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
