Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
