I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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