Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
