I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
