Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
