We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
