I just cut my nipple shaving
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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