i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
