bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
