if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
