If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Everyone says I win the strip club
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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