well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
