I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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