i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just had sex on a roof
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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