How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
