It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
