I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
