i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
