"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
