They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
