he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
