I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
