My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
