I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize