i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
