Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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