last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Shame is for Republicans.
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