How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize