I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
